Today I took a 120 kilometre drive from Luang Prabang to Nong Khaiw. Four hours later, covered in Laos dust, I understood the trauma of a running shoe in a dryer.
Sure, there might have been some extraordinary scenery, but I mostly remember the dust. Dust in my hair, dust in my lungs, dust all over my self-esteem.
And look, I don’t want to sound whiny, but Nong Khaiw is not exactly the highlight that makes it all worthwhile either.
So, in honour of days that refuse to be poetic and in preparation for the return trip the day after tomorrow, here is the official Secret Royalty Toolkit for a day like this:
ONE: Lower the bar. Lower than that.
After that drive, my main achievement was: arrived with organs still roughly in the right places, no broken teeth, and an intact sense of humour. Result!
TWO: The royal rebrand
I wasn’t being jostled half to death. I was on a monastic pilgrimage towards resilience. A spiritual exfoliation of ochre dust.
THREE: Throne-ify it
When I collapsed onto the quilted bed in my aggressively concrete room at the Maison de Nong Khaiw, I christened it The Throne of Low Expectations. Sit or do the reclining buddha with enough authority, and anything becomes royal.
FOUR: The ‘could be worse’ protocol
Picture doing that road in the rainy season, with gastro, or next to someone explaining crypto. See? Luxury.
I don’t know about you, but I already feel better about my day and the one ahead when I return. Because if this was the test, I’ve passed with flying colours.
Bitter? Only if it’s a negroni, please.
Secret Royalty On Tour 
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